National Say Something Nice Day…To Your Child!
The busyness of everyday life creates challenges in regards to providing positive and sometimes even simple connection with others. This can easily pertain to the connection that parents have with their children. With an endless “To Do” list and juggling the roles of chef, nanny, maid, taxi driver, and many more, it seems nearly impossible to focus on the positive things your child is doing. You may think to yourself, “well she/he knows what’s expected.” Therefore, your child may not be acknowledged or recognized for the positive behavior she/he is displaying because it is expected. However, when your child is Picasso on the living room wall with a permanent marker, it is a different story. Most likely, that is a situation that is not overlooked and your child receives negative attention for an undesirable behavior. Has your child learned that the best way to get your attention is through the performance of these undesirable behaviors?
I challenge you today to change the story. In honor of National Say Something Nice Day, say something nice to your child! Focus on the positive! Acknowledge your child for something that you tend to overlook on a daily basis. You may be thinking to yourself, “I do this all the time. I tell my child ‘thank you’ and ‘good job.’” However, this hits just the surface of what it really means to say something nice. When acknowledging your child, it is important to put the emphasis on them and be descriptive. Below are some tips, tricks, and suggestions to consider.
When acknowledging your child, focus on them. This allows them to feel empowered, independent, and capable. You are focusing on their hard work and reflecting their efforts. Here are some other phrases that can be utilized instead of “good job:”
You did it!
Good for you!
Way to go!
You were ____. (helpful, kind, caring, etc.)
You never gave up!
You remembered ____. Way to go!
You worked so hard on that ______ (insert child’s name).
By providing descriptive praise to your child, you are describing what they did back to them that was kind, helpful, etc. This is also helpful when your child is displaying both desirable and undesirable behaviors. By using this format, you can focus on the desirable behaviors and ignore the undesirable behaviors (if it is not a safety concern).
You did it! You _____ (describe in detail without judgment).
Optional ending: Good for you! Way to go!
As humans, we have a need to be heard and understood. Therefore, acknowledging the feelings of your child can go a long way. You are also modeling feeling identification and helping your child learn a feelings vocabulary for future situations.
Feeling: You seem ____ (feeling).
Example: You seem angry.
I see ____ on your face (feeling).
Example: I see mad on your face.
You wanted ____ or you were hoping ____.
Example: You really wanted to continue to play on your tablet.
Always, remind yourself that children need A LOT of repetition, especially when they are learning something new. Therefore, what you feel is an expectation of your child, may not be their learned reality yet. Even when you feel something isn’t working, consistency is key.
What is something nice you can say to your child today?
