How to Limit Your Social Media for Better Mental Health
I’m going to check something on Instagram real quick - I remember seeing a post about this new restaurant in Cincinnati I want to try, but I can’t remember the name.
Ah - there it is! Oh, it’s on the west side - that’s too far - never mind. (Cincinnati peeps - am I right?)
Oh look! A pig running and his ears are flopping to the beat of “Staying Alive” - how funny!
I’ll just scroll a little bit.
Yes! This funny mom singing songs GETS me and the struggles of parenting. Love how she makes up great songs and makes the hard things seem funny.
And so on…
Suddenly that “quick check” on a restaurant I was interested in, has me on Instagram (or Facebook, or TikTok, etc) for 30+ minutes.
How does this happen?!?!
Meta/Facebook/Instagram/X (formerly known as Twitter)/TikTok and all social media apps THRIVE on data and figuring out what you are interested in, so they can target content and ads….so they can make money. (Capitalism at its finest)
So if you’re anything like me, you are getting content and ads for things related to mental health/therapy, cats, parenting, animals do funny things, things to do in Cincinnati. And it is just so hard not to look at “one more thing” that piques my interest.
I am a Facebook and Instagram addict, so that’s what I’ll focus more on in this blog, but these ideas/suggestions can be applied to any social media app that is sucking up your time without you even noticing.
The first step to any sort of change is NOTICING that there is something to change in the first place.
For me, I first noticed that Facebook sucked up so much of my time and I was not gaining anything. For a while I took mental note of the following:
Why did I log on in the first place?
Was it something purposeful: To check something? To post something? Wish your mother-in-law a happy birthday in a public manner?
Or was it out of boredom/escapism: Did I want to occupy my brain while my son is watching Cocomelon? Is my husband watching Formula 1 and I want to be near him, but I have no interest in racing? Am I overwhelmed with life/work/parenting and need to “check out” mentally?
Did I accomplish the reason I logged in and then log out?
If you wanted to post a floor lamp on Facebook Marketplace, did you complete that task and then log out? (Most of us don’t - no judgment!)
If you needed a break from reality, did that work?
How long did I stay logged in?
Was it 5 minutes? 50 minutes? Are you okay with that length of time?
How do I feel after using social media?
Do you feel calm, relaxed, entertained?
Do you feel guilty, numb, sad, jealous, anxious?
These questions can help us understand why and how we are using social media, and then we can figure out what we want to do with that information.
If you noticed a pattern of spending more time than you intended on social media, or you have uncomfortable feelings during after social media it may be time to wean yourself off.
When I made this decision for myself, I decided to start with Facebook. I would log onto Facebook to check the neighborhood group, or look on Marketplace for something specific, but would then spend way more time than I intended.
I thought of deleting my account, deleting the app from my phone, and setting a timer when I use Facebook. Here’s what worked for me:
Moved the App
I had Facebook on the home/main screen of my phone. It was an automatic response for my hand to unlock my phone, tap Facebook, scroll, switch to Instagram, scroll, switch to Facebook, scroll…..you get it.
Since I wanted to start weaning off of Facebook first, I moved the app to the last screen on my phone. That way I could still quickly access it if I needed to make a post, or check the neighborhood page, etc.
This worked for maybe….two days? That’s being generous.
I noticed that even though the task of opening Facebook wasn’t as easy/automatic, phones are incredibly easy to swipe and find what you need (that’s what they are made to do!).
Deleted the App
So I took a deep breath and deleted the app from my phone. This worked!
How I Use It Now
I don’t have Facebook bookmarked or leave a tab open. I really have to want/need to log on. So far this is working! I can log on, do what I need to do, and (most of the time) close the window. Ironically enough, in the midst of writing this blog, I needed to open Facebook and check on a post related to work. And guess what? I started randomly scrolling. I saw posts about friends’ kids and it was so good to see their faces! But then I came across a post that annoyed me and that’s when I noticed Facebook wasn’t serving me anymore and needed to close the window. And now I’m back to writing the blog!
I’ve had Facebook off of my phone for several months now (maybe close to a year - I really don’t know). And I’m overall better at not randomly scrolling. I am far from perfect - I still get sucked in! But it is FAR less often and that’s what matters to me most.
I don’t think I will delete my account any time soon. I still use it for work related things, my son’s school is active on Facebook, etc. So for now Meta is keeping me tethered. Maybe one day I’ll cut the cord and delete my account, but not yet.
The Tough One: Instagram
I LOVE Instagram. I could easily spend all day on my phone scrolling Instagram. When I first used Instagram, it was mostly posts from my friends, people I followed. Then Instagram purposefully and strategically changed over time. I was not cognizant of the little changes that occurred over time, but eventually I was hooked. The Instagram algorithm had me figured out and I could spend so much time scrolling.
I noticed that even if I changed the setting to only see accounts I followed, I could still kill too much time scrolling, then (get this), REFRESHING, and scrolling some more.
Curate Accounts
One thing I did over time was “curate” accounts that worked for me. I would try to be mindful of how I felt watching a reel or reading a post. And if I felt guilty, ashamed, jealous, anxious, etc. I would mute or unfollow that account. This was big for me with parenting or “mom” accounts. I know (at least I hope) the influencers had the best intentions with their posts, but if I noticed that I felt like I wasn’t doing enough or buying enough for my son, that was a red flag. I needed to unfollow that account.
For example I followed this account of a stay at home mom with a son similar in age to mine. She appeared to have similar values of parenting and had great ideas of activities to do with children. But then I started comparing my son to her son and myself to her.
Why didn’t my son follow the directions of the activity like hers did?
She has so many wooden (Montessori/Waldorf) toys and I’ll never be able to afford all those same toys for my son, so my son won’t have the best.
How does she have the energy and mental capacity to plan, organize, execute then clean all of these activities? I must be a terrible mom.
These were the types of thoughts that helped me notice - while this influencer has the best intentions to give ideas to parents, I am not feeling about it, so I do not have to follow it anymore.
I muted several of these types of accounts. But I still follow them because there are times when I want activity ideas - Summer and Winter breaks in particular when I am trying to keep my son entertained - and I can go to their page and look for ideas.
New Handle
Even with all the curating I did, I was still spending an exorbitant amount of time on Instagram. It was time for another change. I decided to create a new handle/account. With this new handle I only followed three accounts: two were technically the same person (Sharon McMahon aka Sharonsaysso) - her public account and a private book club account. The third account was a parenting account (Busy Toddler) that is just so lovely and genuine. Never felt judgment - usually felt encouraged as a parent with that account.
This worked for a while! I was diligent about not scrolling. Only looking at the stories/posts of those three accounts.
Then the damn algorithm got me again. I would see a reel of a cute cat or some amazing dance choreography and suddenly I am scrolling again. And this time mostly accounts I was not following or had curated.
Deleted the App
On January 19, 2024 I deleted Instagram from my phone.
This was not planned. It was a split decision, but a good one.
That day was a snow day for my son, and while he played I was (you guess it) scrolling Instagram. An ad popped up for a toy/product and without much thought, I bought it. $50.
Now, is $50 the end of the world? Thankfully not for our family.
Is the toy really cool and worth the money? Actually, yes. I am glad I purchased it.
BUT I realized that this was not the first impulse purchase I have made because of Instagram. I don’t like feeling manipulated by social media and companies and that is exactly what happened. So I made a quick decision to take Instagram off my phone.
I re-downloaded it once or twice, then deleted it immediately again.
Since then, I use my computer to check on the business Instagram account every once in a while. And sometimes I check on my personal account for DMs from friends who send funny/interesting posts. But so far I’ve been staying off Instagram most days.
And I have to tell you: I am shocked.
What I’ve Noticed
Since taking Instagram off of my phone, I have been uncomfortable. Especially the first few days. What was my brain supposed to do in “down time?” Not scroll?
I have noticed that there is a -slight- but noticeable decrease in stress. I am not constantly checking Instagram stories to make sure I have not missed anything. I can miss the thing.
I am more productive and present…sometimes. Instead of scrolling social media, I am not more present with my son. I am more interactive and attentive. This can only strengthen our relationship. I am writing blogs (!), straightening up, cleaning up more in my spare time while my son is happily playing.
However, I am FAR from perfect. I have noticed that I have replaced scrolling with playing solitaire on my phone. That will be the next change. And I know I can do it.
Find What Works for You
I tried Tiktok for a hot second and immediately got overwhelmed and deleted it. I am a millennial, and I felt too “old” to be using it. I appreciate the TikToks my friends (and even clients!) send me - truly thank you! But I know I cannot have my own TikTok account.
I also hopped onto Threads for a week or so. That quickly turned into another mindless scroll for me - just like Instagram and Facebook - so I stopped using it.
Social media is likely here for the rest of our lives. So it’s helpful to notice how it impacts you. Then find ways to balance using social media and staying off. It’s really really hard because social media companies need us to stay on so they can make money. But with some trial and error, I know you can find a way to make social media fit into your life more effectively.
